My deeds have made me nothing better.
It is my choice whether to change,
But my will is what remains.
Yesterday was fine, today is the same
Tomorrow is the only thing that can be arranged,
But change is not always better,
Fruits don’t grow on all trees,
I am not good
But good is a perspective,
My luck was never repaying,
But luck is a fickle mind’s playing
My condition was poor,
In faith, I wasn’t any truer.
I am in guilt but I am with reason so.
I am in dread of what I have become,
A man with no morals, silent and numb.
As a young man, I promised myself I would stand on my cost,
Age brings desperation, my principles lost.
It is the need not the want that I must,
The need to be able to stand in society,
Flying in the sky, above the hard crust.
I had to succeed,
Failure wasn’t an option, call it greed.
I gave parts of me away on the way,
Losing more in morality than I gained
A part of me always tried to judge the right from the wrong,
But in vain, a poor man I was no long
Now, a rich man standing strong
I am in dread of what I have become,
A man with no morals, silent and numb.
In expense today, I am a man of credit
Respected for my hard-earned merit,
But society shades away the dark secrets,
Concealing it behind its perfect titles.
I am forgotten as a man of ambition and honesty,
But pay no pity; my actions have made me wealthy.
Riches in its fame is tempting,
But the name itself is unforgiving,
It sheds you of every drop of pride,
Changes your character, strengthens your personality.
Because today, life is an unending strife,
Every opportunity has a price.
It is a battle where every warrior tries,
One emerges victorious and everyone else is left behind.
They can beg, they can pray, they can cry,
But that is the ruthlessness of today’s life
That is the price I paid for my throne,
The bargain I made, sacrifices at the time unknown.
I am in dread of what I have become,
A man with no morals, silent and numb.
Even a rotting plant once was growing green,
Spreading gardens everywhere it gleamed.
Even a criminal once had a mother,
Who held him to her chest praying for him no suffer.
Even a wicked man once had a smile,
One he wore every family night.
I have no one dear,
No one I trust, no one I consider near,
It is my era,
I am a worshiped man of power
But loyalty is faithless,
For out of fear it is worthless.
I am in dread of what I have become,
A man with no morals, silent and numb.
I am what my conditions have driven me to be,
I am who my own people wanted me to be,
I am who people desire to be,
But I am not who I choose to be.
I have a constant burden,
With the duties and expectations of today
With the cruel criticisms, I am laden.
I wish to be honest, subtle and fair.
Remarking this world as a stage not a devil’s lair.
But today is a race and so is tomorrow,
A challenge to be faced,
In joy or in sorrow,
I can choose to stop,
To fall back in grace,
Or I can choose to fight,
To win in hate.
I choose to play,
I choose to race,
Because that is what the world has made me today,
A disgrace to integrity and honor,
An inspiration among modern men
Creeping up in the dark shadows of treachery and betrayal,
Merciless, we crawl ahead,
Man is a greedy monster.
A wrong step, and down with him, you he takes,
I’d rather be a worthless man in this sick world of today
Than a worthy boy living in yesterdays grace
For in today’s times, money pays,
Not honor that is but a reputation to praise
I will always be in dread of what I have chosen to become,
A man with no morals, silent, wealthy and numb.
Ashna Agarwal
May 13,2017.
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